So about 4 years ago now (and this is the only explanation I have) I fell on my knee. I hurt it pretty bad but being the stubborn bafoon that I am I decided not to go to the doctors.. It didn't bother me for a long time but as of late everytime I do my 30DS I am in agonizing pain from and knee workout. It's right above my knee and it feels kinda how when your elbow needs to pop but it hurts to push it... anyone know that pain? Well I keep taking days off of working out because it just hurts so bad and then it hurts the following day when I'm on my feet all day at work.
Tonight I decided I would start my workouts again because my knee was only bugging me a little bit. Well I started out and not even 5 minutes into it me knee was in excrutiating pain and kept going out. So I think I'm going to stick with cardio bike riding and walking for right now because it's obvious that I can't really keep doing this to myself.
When I stop working out (bad excuse) for a couple days I have a hard time following good eating habits, so I guess that means I'm very black and white. So lately I've been slacking with my workouts and my eating plan. I havent put on any weight but I havent lost any either, and I dont know about you guys but when I dont see changes on the scale it is really discouraging and the "this is never going to happen, I will never change" mindset starts coming back.
But you know what I am going to wake up early tomorrow at 6 that way I can get a work out in (walking and biking) before I go to work. My weigh in is tomorrow I hope it's not as disastrous as I think it's going to be.
I really hate being myself sometimes. I feel like I want to be proud of my accomplishments but then I look at myself and think "wow how can I be proud when I look and feel the way I do" I look and feel tired all the time. I can't be proud of myself if everything isn't good. I'm not good with small rewards... my small accomplishments are usually ones that people would consider huge say oh I dunno 30 lbs I might consider an accomplishment. I need to learn how to appreciate every little amazing thing I do. Some day I hope to be able to do just that.
Lately Justin has been working and so have I on top of all of my religious duties. I am in a Praise Band and practice Mondays and Thursdays have church Sunday and have Bible Study on Wednesday nights. So basically by the time I am getting home Justin has left for work and Malcolm is sleeping. I'm sick of this. I want my family back. I want to be able to lounge around with them sleep in the same bed at the sime time as my husband... I'm starting to really be depressed about it.... well tonight he has off so I am going to take full advantage.... until next time loves!
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