Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Trip to the Farmer's Market

So today Justin and I stopped at the Farmer's Market for the FIRST TIME... I didn't realize how inexpensive it is. Today we got in order from left to right: Fiji Apples, Brussel Sprouts, Butter Lettuce (apparently it's the same as Boston lettuce???), Sweet potatoes, Avocado, Spinach, Portabellos, Plums, Nectarines, Blackberries, Raspberries, and Bananas for $14!! I was really shocked!

Catching Up

So here is a list of things to catch up on:

Playstation 3
Eating Healthy at gatherings
Working Out (or lack of)
Losing Weight through this past week

See I have to write a list and I think I might do that from now on because it is getting difficult to write all I want bceause I forget all the topics I want/need to hit.

So basically this past week we recieved two cards in the mail for our wedding adding up to $450 then we both got paid... lemme just say I work at Target and he at Kroger, so it's not a glamour job or anything or big time pay... but hey I'm finishing up with school soon so whatev. Anyway we had about $1100 including the cards. Well, we had to get the car a tune up and buy some school supplies for the church's donation. Other than that I thought we would pay some past bills, that way we don't have to live with his parents forever. Well, I THOUGHT we had agreed on paying bills. However when I got home I saw that he maybe didn't feel the same way, because sitting in the middle of the floor was his new PS3 and game. Which pretty much took half that money. So of course I am angry. "I thought we were going to pay the phone bill with that money?" I said to him... his response: "I know your not talking about spending money, you spend all of our money at Target." Ok so maybe he has a little bit of a point. Over time I think I have spent that much at Target but you know what? That was over a 9 month period not in one day. Also, I buy all of Malcolm's things from Target, diapers, wipes, clothes, shoes, etc. So I mean I guess SOME of my purchases are validated. Well whatever, I got over him buying it.. but then he presents me with a video game usage agreement. On days that we both have off he gets up to 8 hours, days that 1 of us works he gets 3 hours and days that both of us work 1 hour. And after 2 hours of playing an hour break has to be taken. Oh also any game time that is spent overnight doesn't count towards the running tally hmm let's see.. so he works midnights so any days that he doesn't work he stays up all night so that he can maintain hours.. what do you think is going to keep him up all night... so he can officially play for about 16 hours in one day. Isn't that great how he figured that one out. Ya know what though, I signed it. I'm not going to beg him to spend time with me. I am my own person. I know my son will always want to spend time with me. I don't really need him to HAVE to spend time with me. So he can make his own choices, our choices are what determine the future.

Our Choices Creates Our Destiny
Destiny is not a matter of chance,
it is a matter of choice.
It is not a thing to be waited for,
it is a thing to be achieved."
William Jennings Bryan, 41st Secretary of State

Therefore if he wants to achieve a perfect or close to it relationship then he has to make that choice.

Moving on, so this past Saturday we had Jeremy's (Justin's brother) graduation party. Oh I was so excited I told myself that I would let loose for one day and eat because I have been doing really well... well I definitely let loose. I had a sausage, pasta salad, baked beans, creamy jalapeno dip, pinwheels, and cheese and crackers and drank like 3 cans of pop.

I felt so sick after eating all of that and knew that I shouldn't have, I couldn't even eat the rest of the day I was so full. The next day our power went out so I couldn't cook anything. I ended up with more pinwheels (not healthy ones may I remind you). I tried eating decently the rest of the week. We went out to eat 3 times this week and we NEVER go out to eat. I thought for SURE my weight wasn't lowering any.

I also thought this because I haven't really been working out. When we dropped the car off we walked about three miles there and back to get some breakfast while we waited. Other than that my knee has been bothering me quite a bit so I have really reduced my working out. I'm going to walk and Jordan today though... as long as Malcolm cooperates... it's too hard to take him with because umbrella stroller plus rough terrain don't work well together. I also have been kinda keeping my work clothes on after I work out and for all you ladies you know what that means... so I have been taking it easy.. it's kinda gross to think about but whatever.

Sunday was our performance. I was so excited but then the day of came and I was really nervous. I started getting my nervous stomach cramps but I kept telling myself it's just another practice and besides I'm singing for God not for the HUNDRED people that are here. Yeah thats in the next paragraph for why I am shouting 100. So we went up did our thing, and everyone told me they couldn't hear me singing. So I told Janet (the other singer) to turn my mic up guess what lovely decided to do? She turned hers up and didn't touch mine. She is a tenor which pretty much naturally makers her louder, or at least in my experience. But ya know what I'm going to let it go, that's just one performance the next will be better and I now know how to operate the mic system on my own. Other than that we did very well. Everyone said what a joy it was seeing my face up there (our church is all older people I'm the youngest by more than 20 years).

So that same day we had a gathering for our new pastor. Pastor Cindy. We had a big potluck in our gathering hall. Which I truly believe that is the only reason everyone was there. Because there was food. Really, like people will only come to church if they get free food out of it? In the case they should be coming to Sunday school because we have cake and punch and they should be coming to all the other gatherings also because we always have snacks.. but you know what they don't. Our church is usually about 40-50 people. We doubled that because of the band and because of unlimited food.. well you know what THEY SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES. God will forgive but our church family won't forget the ridiculousness you call religion and faith.

So to end this post I wanted to say after all that eating and lack of work out I lost .6 of a lb. Hey it's a loss I'LL TAKE IT!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

When the going gets tough the tough walks 3 more miles

So today I woke up SO excited to get a lot of excercising in for the day. I got my work out clothes on (my new work out clothes that didnt fit when I bought them but do now!!!) and took Malcolm for a 3 mile bike ride. Go me!

Well, I still need to change some stuff into my new name after getting married. So I went up to the bank with Malcolm. It took a little longer than I thought and Malcolm was acting up really bad because it was nap time. Well turns out that Justin needed to be present to change my name also... I don't understand why, but whatever. So now I am aggrivated because it's going to be hard enough to get Justin to go up there just to sign his name but then the manager tells me it has to be done today.

So I grab Malcolm and walk out, well while I'm putting him in the car I hear "hey" now on normal circumstances I can recognize the voice but this time I didn't so I look up and see a guy hanging out of his beat down truck and he calls out to me all but politely "Fatass" and here comes flooding back to me all the memories from getting picked on when I was younger.

Like really I deserved a fat ass? Because why? My ass is large? too large? Or is that just a term of endearnment you use for all those random strangers you had nothing better to do than bother.

So needless to say at this time I'm now feeling pretty down and thinking to myself.. whats the point? This is going to take forever, I could fail, I will always be that "fatass". But you know what. I dont care what you think. I dont care what you say.

I am my own person living my own life. Am I happy? For the most part, are there things to improve on? Heck yeah. Will I ever be perfect? No, because perfection only exists in Jesus our Lord. So you know what I might be a fat ass but and I say BUT I at least have the decency to keep my unhappiness to myself. I don't spread it around like an infectious disease.

I will pick my head right back up and go through the rest of my day. Walk 3 miles to go get my brother, come home and eat a sensible lunch and then have band practice. You know what I won't do though? I won't think about that man that called me a fatass.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Knee injury, lost mojo, I miss my husband

So about 4 years ago now (and this is the only explanation I have) I fell on my knee. I hurt it pretty bad but being the stubborn bafoon that I am I decided not to go to the doctors.. It didn't bother me for a long time but as of late everytime I do my 30DS I am in agonizing pain from and knee workout. It's right above my knee and it feels kinda how when your elbow needs to pop but it hurts to push it... anyone know that pain? Well I keep taking days off of working out because it just hurts so bad and then it hurts the following day when I'm on my feet all day at work.

Tonight I decided I would start my workouts again because my knee was only bugging me a little bit. Well I started out and not even 5 minutes into it me knee was in excrutiating pain and kept going out. So I think I'm going to stick with cardio bike riding and walking for right now because it's obvious that I can't really keep doing this to myself.

When I stop working out (bad excuse) for a couple days I have a hard time following good eating habits, so I guess that means I'm very black and white. So lately I've been slacking with my workouts and my eating plan. I havent put on any weight but I havent lost any either, and I dont know about you guys but when I dont see changes on the scale it is really discouraging and the "this is never going to happen, I will never change" mindset starts coming back.

But you know what I am going to wake up early tomorrow at 6 that way I can get a work out in (walking and biking) before I go to work. My weigh in is tomorrow I hope it's not as disastrous as I think it's going to be.

I really hate being myself sometimes. I feel like I want to be proud of my accomplishments but then I look at myself and think "wow how can I be proud when I look and feel the way I do" I look and feel tired all the time. I can't be proud of myself if everything isn't good. I'm not good with small rewards... my small accomplishments are usually ones that people would consider huge say oh I dunno 30 lbs I might consider an accomplishment. I need to learn how to appreciate every little amazing thing I do. Some day I hope to be able to do just that.

Lately Justin has been working and so have I on top of all of my religious duties. I am in a Praise Band and practice Mondays and Thursdays have church Sunday and have Bible Study on Wednesday nights. So basically by the time I am getting home Justin has left for work and Malcolm is sleeping. I'm sick of this. I want my family back. I want to be able to lounge around with them sleep in the same bed at the sime time as my husband... I'm starting to really be depressed about it.... well tonight he has off so I am going to take full advantage.... until next time loves!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Gerard Butler so close I can taste it


Ok thats enough yelling for me. Seriously though I really am upset I am a huge fan and lately I have been having like premonitions, sounds stupid believe I know. But I knew that I would have an opportunity to meet him. I KNEW IT. There are many other premonitions but I'll just focus on this one for right now. I knew I was going to have an opportunity. Well, yesterday my boss was talking about how she was going to a kareoke bar with her friends and I thought wow that sounds fun. And I had a feeling that I really needed to be there, but because I dont like my boss I decided to keep my mouth shut. (Everyone at work is friends and we all hang out). WELL it turns out that they got there and about 30 minutes later Gerard Butler and Demi Moore walk in and Gerard performed like four songs.. even PLAYING A GUITAR... omg. I have been crying for oh.. about an hour... I held it off while I was at church but other than that... nope. Came right back and was just as upset.. I think I'm going to ride my bike to return these movies that we rented.. itll get me a six mile ride in for the day.. as long as the rain holds over.. well that's all for the day.. I might come back and post again later on...

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Long Time No Talk To...

It's been awhile since I have been on here..

Justin got a new job and so all his free time is spent on the computer.. so it's not my fault I swear!! He works at Kroger as a night clerk... so excited! It's a start lol

So as of late I had a couple slip ups with eating the in laws went to Just Baked and brought home a couple different kinds of cupcakes.. I stayed true to my diet for abouut 4 days with the cupcakes staring at me everytime I entered the kitchen. Finally only s'more was left, and I came home one night after a stressful day at work... and ate it and the continued to move on and eat a biscuit with honey and a handful of fries. Ya know what, it wasn't even good. I was so upset and disappointed but ya know what I learned that it wasn't that great. The next morning I ate a 90 calorie Fiber One bar and that was WAY better. I never crave chocolate but that night I had and that cupcake didn't get rid of my craving however that Fiber One bar did wonders.

Yesterday we went by Target and by Target is one of my favorite restuarants Moe's Southwest Grill, and I told Justin let's eat out for the night and thats what we did and ya know what... that one was SO worth it. But I realized a big menu change that I cna have there.. I don't really like meat and there is meatless choice thats not only healthier but is cheaper... so definitely know where my eyes will be headed next time.

I lost about 2 lbs this week which I can't complain with that after eating the cupcake and everything else so... WOO HOO

I need to figure out some workouts that are low impact on my knee because my knee from 30DS has really been bothering me... I'm on level 2 3rd day today and I hope I can make it lol..

SOO EXCITING Gerard Butler, Martin Sheen, and Richard Gere are all in Detroit like down the street from my old house... lemme just say that I LOVE Gerard Butler and.. eugh I just cant even talk about it... I would do almost anything.. no anything..

Friday, July 9, 2010

It's a new dawn It's a new day It's a new life For me

So I woke up today for work... (btw it was hard getting out of bed with all these late nights of working out..) and I realized that this time I've had it.. there is no turning back

I REFUSE to be a victim of my own body.
I REFUSE to not live a full and happy life.
I REFUSE to not love myself for the person inside and out.
I REFUSE to not take pictures.
I REFUSE to fuss over myself anymore.
I REFUSE to make excuses on why I am the way I am.

I am taking time for myself everyday, time to make my meals, to work out, and to love myself.

Well now that it's late enough, Malcolm is sleeping, and I'm getting tired I'm going to work out.. does anyone know if it's bad to work out so late at night? That's when I really like to work out I just can't get motivated before night time.. love always Ali

It's the worlds greatest, Yo,
It's the worlds greatest, Come on,
Worlds Greatest, Ever

I am a mountain
I am a tall tree
Oh, I am a swift wind
Sweepin' the country
I am a river
Down in the valley
Oh, I am a vision
And I can see clearly
If anybody asks u who I am
Just stand up tall look 'em in the Face and say

I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I'm the worlds greatest
And I'm that little bit of hope
When my backs against the ropes
I can feel it mmm
I'm the worlds greatest

I am a giant
I am an eagle
I am a lion
Down in the jungle
I am a marchin' band
I am the people
I am a helpin' hand
And I am a hero
If anybody asks u who I am
Just stand up tall look 'em in the Face and say

I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up high
I made it
I'm the worlds greatest
And I'm that little bit of hope
When my backs against the ropes
I can feel it
I'm the worlds greatest

In the ring of life I'll reign love
(I will reign)
And the world will notice a king
(Oh Yeah)
When all is darkest, I'll shine a light
(Shine a light)
And use a success you'll find in me

I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I'm the world's greatest
And I'm that little bit of hope
When my back's against the ropes
I can feel it
I'm the world's greatest

I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I'm the world's greatest
And I'm that little bit of hope
When my back's against the ropes
I can feel it
I'm the world's greatest

I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I'm the world's greatest
And I'm that little bit of hope
When my back's against the ropes
I can feel it
I'm the world's greatest

It's the greatest
Can you feel it
It's the greatest
Can you feel it

[Repeat * while:]
I saw the light
At the end of a tunnel
Believe in the pot of gold
At the end of the rainbow
And faith was right there
To pull me through, yeah
Used to be locked doors
Now I can just walk on through
Hey, uh, hey, hey, hey
It's the greatest
I'm that star up in the sky

I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I'm the world's greatest
And I'm that little bit of hope
When my back's against the ropes
I can feel it
I'm the world's greatest

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Now all I have to do is work on stage presence

Ahh... yesterday felt good, I took a break from my routine.. even though it's only been a week I knew if I kept going I was going to really re-injure my knee. I decided to take the day off I didn't overindulge in food or anything I just didn't work out. Well close to bed time the guitarist of the Praise Band I joined called and said that we are going to be performing 5 songs on the 25th of this month in front of the whole church..

Well I've been practicing the songs (if I haven't said this yet I am the lead singer) however this is my first week. Well I did pretty good at learning all 5 songs.. but I realized while practicing that I had a hard time walking down the aisle to get married how in the worl am I going to perform in front of people while I'm the person they are really listening to. Oh my. See I used to have a lot of confidence to perform in front of people when I was a lot smaller as in skinnier not really younger. However, now that I look the way I do, I'm not as confident. So I started freaking out.

Today was the end of my first week of my journey and I stepped on the scale and guess what it said 276.4 which means in the first week I have lost 5 lbs.. and you know what that wasn't that hard. I just have to do it 20 more times THATS IT! Can you believe it I am one step closer to my goal.

Today was an unbelievably hot day and my brother in laws wanted to walk to the store (not even half a mile) so I walked about a mile today and then did day 6 of the 30 Day Shred it was hard I was extremely tired today and had a really bad headache but as I was contemplating taking another day off. I realized this is where it starts it starts with taking one day off then the next.. and next thing you know I'm watching tv and eating twinkies (I actually don't like twinkies but I thought it fit best) so I walked right down those stairs without anyone telling me or making me feel guilty and worked out.. it was a pretty good workout... I had a pretty bad headache so I took extra strength tylenol and worked out but only did half the jumping jacks and jump rope, it just hurt too badly...

Now most of the time I would be bummed that I've only lost 5 lbs but you know what it's been one week ONE.. and that is a lot of weight for one week I just have to keep telling myself it's not an overnight process. I truly never understood why so many people say that all the time, but now I fully understand how discouraging it can be when it feels like next year is forever away, but you know what I have to remember it might now be a year till I hit my goal weight but the whole time my body is shrinking and I as a person am growing.. love always Ali

Monday, July 5, 2010

A Creed To Live By

Don't undermine your worth by comparing
yourself with others.
It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Don't set your goals by what other people
deem important.

Only you know what is best for you.
Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would your life, for without them
life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers
by living in the past or for the future.
By living your life one day at a time,
you live all the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.
It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.
Don't be afraid to encounter risks.

It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love.
The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly;
and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
Don't dismiss your dreams.

To be without dreams is to be without hope;
to be without hope is to be without purpose.
Don't run through life so fast that you forget
not only where you've been, but also where you're going.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored
each step of the way.

Leftover, Rockstars, Sloth like tendencies

Ahh today started out with a bang... I told myself forget about yesterday that was one day ONE day, it does not dampen your chance at success and health. I told myself I'm gonig to make sure I get on that bike do a couple miles and do my day 5 of the 30 day shred. Well at around 12 Justin tells me he is taking Jordan to Gamestop, I decided I would go to that way I could pick some Tums up at the store (heartburn for like 3 days this implanon better be up and kicking still) and so we were off. We stayed at the mall for about an hour so by now it's about 2 o clock and I decided that I needed to wait for Malcolm to wake up from his nap to take my bike ride because he really enjoys going... after his nap of course.

Well Malcolm finally wakes up around 2:45 and I'm ready to go get some exercise in for the day. As my wheels are turning on how many miles I'm going to go Mr. Coucnil (Justin's dad) tells me that at the dollar show they already have Eclipse (Twilight) playing. The she starts at 4... Wheels keep on turning and I think hey it's about 3 miles to the movie theatre so I can get 6 miles in AND see the movie I have been dying to see for some time now.. So I get ready to tell them I'm leaving and Mrs. Council tells me that she thought I was making the potato salad for dinner tonight... WHOOPS... guess I forgot about her going to buy all the ingredients like the little sweetheart that she is.

So I march back downstairs and began my cooking adventure thinking, "how long could it possibly take to make potato salad?" Well it takes about an hour.. so no movies for me because it is now dinner time. We sit down and have a nice family dinner, after it's done everyone walks away and I realize.. hmm they aren't going to clean that up.. Guess it's up to me. So I clean up the table and do the dishes and by now it's about 6:30 where does the time go?!? I realize that there is absolutely no way that I'm going to get in time to work out before Praise Band. And I jump in the shower.

I head out to Praise Band extremely nervous because I know that I will be performing in front of people, even if it's only members of the band, they are still people. I don't do people. lol. Well it turned out to be A LOT of fun that I was not expecting and ya know what.. they were really open to new ideas for instance one of my favorite Christian songs "Kamikaze" by Five Iron Frenzy.. needless to say I'm excited for what we can do.

So finally we get out of there at around 9:30 and being that the Council's have an important role in the church I decided to tell them all about the practice.. wasting more time eh.. whatever.. and now it's around 10:30 and I'm beat to work out or not to work out that is the question??

I told myself that I have to work out because nothing will ever change if I give myself a chance to not let it change. However, I tell myself just look on blogspot, see if anyone posted, anything to get out of working out. And do you know what I come across this wonderful blog that I am following and it is very inspiring. I was looking at before and after pictures of her and realize I have those same pictures just the opposite direction.. But the cycle is not done. I have to get back. Until tomorrow Ali

Sunday, July 4, 2010


Justin and I send each other poetry, whether it be poems that we write ourselves or poems that we find on the internet or in a book.. while looking for one to send him I came across a fabulous website with lots of inspiring and motivational poetry... here is one of them:

here is inside you
all of the potential
to be whatever you want to be,
all of the energy
to do whatever you want to do.

Imagine yourself as you would like to be,
doing what you want to do,
and each day, take one step
towards your dream.

And though at times it may seem too
difficult to continue,
hold on to your dream.

One morning you will awake to find
that you are the person you dreamed of,
doing what you wanted to do,
simply because you had the courage
to believe in your potential
and to hold on to your dream.

Claustrohphobic The food is closing in!!

Today we went to Justin's aunt's house. I knew there was going to be food so I tried to plan accordingly.

Well last night she called and asked if I could make a cake, at first I said no I didn't have the ingredients nor the time.. however I ended up feeling bad so I decided I would make the cake... but it had to be an eggless cake. Wooh... have any of you tried to make an eggless cake... if you have I BET your first attempt wasn't a success. Well I could be wrong but I'm basing it off of my experience and my mad cake making skills. So I made the cake, obviously I had to taste it to make sure it tasted ok I more than tasted it I took probably 10 bites which is a lot in my mind... well well "pepsi chocolate cake" you are not to shabby.. Next morning I make my chocolate frosting (had to taste a couple of bites because I've never made chocolate before) and began getting excited for the decorating part... well I put my first bit of frosting on and it won't spread or stick to the cake... hmm... ok well maybe it was too thick (I made it thicker than usual because we were going to be outside...) so I thinned it just a little bit.. nope still not sticking and by this time it's just ruining my cake.

However, I gave myself two options: I could throw the towel in now, or I could try to make cake balls... so I was proud to perservere and not give up I start making my balls (cake crumbled and frosting mixed dipped in chocolate and cooled) and low and behold they are not forming as well as I thought they would. So I put them in the fridge but as soon as I put them in the melted chocolate they start melting all over the place.. IN THE GARBAGE YOU MUST GO I've had enough! It took me a minute but I regained my composure, went upstairs got ready thought I looked pretty fabulous.. I keep forgetting to do pictures and we leave.

We get there and I scope out the food so I can make good decisions.. TIME TO EAT!!

I grab my plate and I see that they are the oval really thick paper plates (you know which ones I'm talking about) well they're HUGE. This is a bad sign.. I'll just get a hamburger and some salad no dressing.. but then I see the kids digging into the macaroni and cheese and oohhh its so gooey and cheesy so I load that onto my plate and the pasta salad just a little bit of that won't hurt, oh and I need to get me legumes in, so baked beans heads toward my plate. By the time I sit down I have a full plate. I eat it so fast that I don't even have time to consider stopping before my plate is empty. Great. I just consumed a lot of calories more than I was allowed for the day. THEN I do the unthinkable and head in for more pasta salad... mmm carbs you and I would make the perfect couple. Like Whitney and crack or Britney and a razor...

So by now I can barely breathe and I am disgusted with myself... I hate feeling like this.. But ya know what I'm going to go home and ride the bike and work out... so on the way home Malcolm is extremely fussy and we get home he stays up for about another hour, so now that it's 10 oclock he is ready for bed and everyone else is ready to light fireworks... well I like my life so I decided to not go ride my bike because of the dangers that fireworks can have.

As I take Malcolm to the bed I stop at the scale (I know I know... I should only do this about once a week and in the morning after everything has settled, but I'm addicted) I weigh myself at least 5 times a day and I know that the weight is going to fluctuate but I tell ya everytime it's even .1 higher I get extremely discourage.. so I jump on the scale what do ya know SIX lbs higher than this morning which means I consumed SIX lbs of food and liquid today.. I didn't realize it was that much, it's just crazy to me.. so now I feel even more discouraged...

But ya know what I didn't get this size overnight and I won't be my goal size overnight. I will not falter I will not fail.. until tomorrow Ali

I Thee Wed

So I have now been married for 2 weeks... do I feel that some strange secret married club accepted me finally? No I feel the exact same.. I thought our whole relationship was going to change, "haha you're stuck with me now, you have to make me happy". Can I get a big fat FALSE to that one. We have been getting along for the most part... but lately he stopped sleeping in the same bed (you have to understand me= extremely clingy, Justin= eh not so much), we have been fighting a little more than usual, and we have been doing more things together, but not just solely him and I. So let's put a list of pros and cons of the married life

We can't just say "I quit" whenever we get a little frustrated..
It would be more expensive to not be together whether than bicker about the smalls things we buy
We get more for food stamps (so ghetto of me but HEY I'm the only one working)
I have finally found someone that loves me for the wonderful bitchy woman that I am

We can't just say "I quit" whenever we get a little frustrated..
We expect things from each other and can now say "I'm your wife you have to" whenever we want and truly believe that is law
Each other's family= sometimes not so great..
I'm the sole provider for a family of three making minimum wage and not getting 40 hours... (I guess that could be on either side)

I think that's all I can think of right now..

So I started this weight journey thinking "oh this is going to be soo easy" yeah that was not so true... I've been struggling already and it's only day 4. I eat fine throughout the day and then I come home from work and I feel like I'm starving. I look at the clock and it tells me I should be in bed but alas... grumble grumble gurgle I am hungry... just 1 slice of pizza won't hurt.. WHAT 1 slice of pizza is at least 250 calories... but it smells and looks soo good... yeah but you'll have worked out for nothing today if you eat that... but pizza is my weakness if I have just 1 slice I won't want any junk for the rest of the week... okay but don't say I didn't say "I told you so"

Those dreaded words, the argument within between thin vs fat continue on but fat always dominates.. I can't stand it anymore! Guilt overthrows me as soon as I swallow the last bite.. and I have to go to bed a failure once again.. I need help with this, a stronger will power, motivation to show me that it will all be worth it in the end... I'm not starving myself but sometimes I feel like I'm depriving myself of all the ooey gooey good food.

Eh, I will not give up, I will not falter.. I'm just hoping that I can tell fatty in my head that.

It was nice blogging my first post on here, have to get going eat breakfast and go to church love always Moi!