Saturday, February 20, 2010

What day is it???

So on Thursday I went to work and then school, well finally when I got home I was tired and ended up not working out. So I told myself I will just work out twice tomorrow. Welp, that didn't happen either. However, I did workout yesterday (after Jordan made me feel guilty for almost not working out). I did day 4 of 30 day shred... wow it seems like I am a lot farther into the program than just 4 days, even if it's been 5. But, alas, today starts day 5. Today, I am babysitting Micala and bringing Malcolm along. I hope that I can stay up late enough to work out on the treadmill after the kids have passed out. But I don't know if thats truly going to happen. Ahh, I have been waiting for this day since Monday. I hope this can take my mind off a few things.

It really upsets me and almost confuses me that Justin is getting upset at the feelings I am feeling. I don't even know how many times I have told him. I guess I feel like it's not the feelings he assume they are, they are coming from a friend place and no more than that. The only reason I know this is because I have thought about what makes me sad and it's more that his life is pretty much over rather than anything else. I mean, I'm not boo hooing that I'll never see him, especially when I never had plans to see him again anyways. I know that it is merely that he will never have a full life now. I really hope that they both get off but that is merely me being selfish because I know that they are getting what they deserve especially if it is proven what exactly happened. I guess only God can judge. I never really understood that but I do finally. Only God can judge people because who the hell is the next person. God is the ultimate decision in anything. Maybe this will come as a blessing, allowing them to have a better life, have better morals. I don't know but I hope there is greater meaning to this.

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